Big Decisions

Life is full of choices. Some are easy and some are hard. I have a big decision to make, and I mean big. For some, this may be a no brainer. For me, this is one tough call. To go or not to go...

You see, we, as in Harv and I, along with my brothers and sisters on my dad's side, have been invited on a family vacation to France in May. 

Occasion: My dad is going to be racing a Formula 1 car in Monte Carlo
Incentive: Free trip to France, John and Patty McKenna style (meaning, no Youth Hostiles this time)
Possible Deal Breaker: No kids
REAL DEAL BREAKER: I have never left my kids overnight.  Ever.

I know what you are thinking? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND??? The answer is yes.  I am.  Either that or I am completely spoiled and an all expense trip paid to Paris, Nice and Monaco does not entice me to leave my kids for 10 days.  Or 7.  Or 5.

So, why is this a blog post? Two reasons really.

1) If I don't go on this fabulous trip with my family, I want my kids to know just how much I gave up for them.  You see, everyday I ask Roderick if mommy and daddy can go to France for a week and he continually tells me, "no you can't."  Now when I leave the house on a grocery run he tells me again that I "can't go to France."  He is really taking this to heart.

2) If I do decide to go on this fabulous trip with my family, I want my kids to know just how hard this decision was for me.  In fact, I have made the decision to stay back many times.  My babies are young and God forbid there be some horrible emergency, I would never forgive myself.  Odds are that everything would be wonderful, my husband and I would enjoy this special time and my kids would bond with their Grandma's/Aunts at the same time!

Right now, at this very moment, I have no idea what to do.  I know that everyone else in the family has their sitters lined up and are going to Europe in May.  I am secretly envious that a) they were able to make a decision and stick to it and b) they will be able to have a good time knowing their kids are in great hands.  This is when I really wish I could you know, "live each day to the fullest, think positively, make time to do the things I love."  I want to tell myself that I will go and I will have the best time.  That I will miss my kids just like the others and that is ok.  Instead I picture myself crying myself to sleep, worrying that everything is going ok, and counting the seconds I could see them instead of enjoying my vacation.  If I could change ONE thing about myself, it would be my worrying.  It has kept me from doing a lot of amazing things in my life and I want to make sure this is not one of them.  At the same time, my kids are babies and leaving them home would be difficult for anyone to do.  So, I have a decision to make and I have to make it fast (Tough decision huh? I know. You don't feel sorry for me.  And you shouldn't.  I am so very blessed.  SO very blessed my friends).

So, which view do I choose for 7-10 days in May???

This?

Or This?

This makes me think of that country song by Lonestar, "The view I love the most is my front porch looking in."

"There's a carrot top who can barely walk

With a sippy cup of milk

A little blue eyed blonde with shoes on wrong

'Cause she likes to dress herself

And the most beautiful girl holding both of them

Yeah the view I love the most

Is my front porch looking in."

While I write this blog post, I have been interrupted by both my kids, even as we creep up on midnight.

Case and point. They need me just as much as I need them.

And before I decide if I can leave the country for 10 days without my kids, I should probably try and leave them for 1 night with my friendly neighbors? Not the same thing, I know, but baby steps guys, baby steps.